Dear Car Dealer;
After pouring my first cup of the magic elixir otherwise know as coffee this morning and sitting down to check the latest crop of spam, I was surprised to see another e-mail from you, nearly begging me to help you help me. Wasn’t that a Cheap Trick song? No? Whatever.
Again, you exhort me to join you in the quest to make my next automotive shopping experience something so beyond compare that it would impossible to avoid recounting in excruciatingly suspenseful detail to future generations on major holidays yet to come about how Grandad manage to change his life in such a fundamental way that it actually altered his DNA. Yes, I understand that you, as my guide, will leave no stone unmolested on the path to the religious experience that is a Car Purchase, and I am extremely impressed by your dedication to me, your future acolyte, as evidenced by the fact that you were up at three A.M., carefully composing your latest nudging that, this time, will surely bring me to you so that we may begin our journey together. Hand in hand, shoulder to shoulder, to win, to succeed at creating a happiness beyond any other I had ever known. But, see, here’s the thing . . .
While I appreciate all the attention you’re throwing my way, I really don’t want a new car right now. Okay – that’s not exactly true. My ego wants a new car. Like so many of my fellow red-blooded Amurkins, I too desperately desire the status of being Ram Tough and I do indeed wish to Zoom Zoom. But with a kid in college and silly little things like a mortgage and heating bills to pay so I don’t wind up being forced to live in my Ultimate Driving Machine, making the commitment to a freshly insistent auto finance payment for the next sixty months or so is definitely not Job 1.
Time to take the gloves off. I understand that you have a job, and a tough one at that. You have to convince people that making a major purchase that represents a considerable portion of their wages based on a fifteen-minute test drive is a good idea. I get that you need to discover those objections and overcome sales resistance and get that customer to sign the sales agreement. So, really, it’s a competition between the wills and skills of the car salesperson and me, the consumer. Since I’m going to be stuck with the car payments and you’ll forget about me the minute after I go into your dealership’s finance office because, frankly, you have other, hopefully bigger, fish to fry, the next time I buy a car, and it’s going to be a used one because no PowerMegaBall, it’s going to be entirely on my terms, at my speed, within my parameters, whether their “reasonable” or not so that I get and pay exactly what I want, otherwise, I will, I promise you, buy a horse for my commuting needs.
Got it? Get it? Good. Just so you know, and not meaning to hurt your feelings at all, here’s my game plan, which I hope will also serve as a bit of practical advice to anyone who believes shopping for a car is like shopping for fresh avocados.
First of all, I’m going to determine what exactly I can afford, not only in terms of what the car payment will be, but also what the vehicle will realistically cost to maintain. I know that keeping my car well-maintained not only means that I’ll get stuck by the side of the road at two in the morning in the rain a whole lot less, but that my car will have better resale value down the line, and that’s a good thing, as Martha would say. Whatever that number is, I’m going to reduce it by a quarter as I’ll be setting aside that amount per month to have for the down-payment on the next car I’ll inevitably have to buy. And, since, like most people, I’ll be financing my car, I will determine what is the shortest repayment period that I can afford and that number, once I carefully compute it and consider the result, will be carved on a small rock which I will carry in my pocket to show to all the car dealers so that I can say, “See, here, I have this rock and I can’t change anything on it, so this is the deal I have to stick with: sorry!”
Then, I will research my choices. I may like SUVs, but I drive 20,000 miles and more a year, and I can nearly triple my per-gallon yield with something like a Honda Fit. I’m going to choose not on the basis of how the car will make me feel, because, really, nothing feels better than spending less of my paycheck on what is really just another utility, but how that vehicle will protect my person and my wallet. So, as much as I might love a Toyota Sienna with its faux walnut trim, heated leather captain’s chairs and room enough to carry a four-by-eight piece of sheetrock with the back hatch closed, it’s just not gonna happen. The twin concepts of Economy and Reliability, so that I can save money and get to where I need to go in order to insure I can make those car payments, will rule the day. I will have the internet and Consumer Reports to thank for helping me in that research goal.
When it comes time to find a replacement for my poor, tired-but-reliable Civic, I will take as much time as I darn well need, thank you, because I have the time. I’ve maintained my car (see above) so that I’m in no hot rush to dump it for a new squeeze. I can relax and wait for the most unbeatable bargain I can find and then, I can wait some more, because, they keep making cars, so it’s not like they’re running out.
When I finally find a “new” car candidate, I’ll have it inspected independently, which is easy enough with a mobile car inspection service. I don’t really care about your 329-point checklist because that’s like hearing the check’s in the mail rather than the Postal Service confirming they have a tracking number and your check in transit. I’ll also be checking the CarFax, which will tell me lots and lots about whether the car has a clear title, whether it has a history of major accidents, if it’s a salvage vehicle (which I bought once and would never do again, since no one wants to buy a used vehicle with a salvage title) and whether the vehicle was used as a rental car. Have you ever rented a car? It’s fun doing doughnuts at midnight in the Walmart parking lot with a rental car the night before you return it, right? That’s a great reason to never buy a car that’s been a rental. Heck, I don’t even need to drive the thing, but I will, just to make sure that I can spend two to three hours each day planted behind the wheel of the thing without having my butt fall asleep.
When the moment arrives, which will have been a moment entirely of my making, to sign on the dotted line, I will have already worked out my auto financing in advance. I will not be relying on the dealer to help me “shave a few points” off my interest rate. The rate paid in any car finance loan is based on credit history – period. Now, I have, like many people, lived long enough to have had credit problems, but I’ve worked hard to live a clean and law-abiding life and my credit now is pretty good. There’s no reason why I have to share my personal information with a third party, like the dealership, in order to secure a loan. Despite what the dealer might suggest, they are strictly the middleman between the customer and the loan hoping to pick up a finder’s fee on the hook-up, so there’s no reason to not shop for, and then apply, directly. The advice I give to car shoppers, whether or not they want it, because I’m a busy-body in their interest, is read the terms of the loan carefully, but really read it, and understand how the loan works. Ask questions of the finance company and if it’s not clear, go elsewhere.
As a dealer, you insist on assuring me that you’re there only to help and that I can leverage your financial power to my benefit. Do dealers have a “special” relationship with the banks? Sure, compared to me, they do – they’re dealers and I’m not, but what I pay in terms of interest is based on me, not them. And my usually-unsolicited advice to those plying the waters of car financing is that if, for some reason, your credit is a bit messed up, or you’re young and new to the whole living-on-credit thing, time is your friend. Clean up your credit, pay those past debts, get the mistakes in your credit report corrected and in the meantime, find the cheapest, safest, running car with a past history of reliability that’s good to excellent to tide you over until your financial history is much less sketchy. You don’t want to fall into the trap of “we finance everybody” rates of 25% to 30% offered through dealers who might as well be in the payday loan business. Just say no, be a good financial citizen and come prepared, is (are) my motto(es.)
I’ve gone car shopping in the past and, to be sure, the dealer will do anything they can to keep me in the showroom. They will engage, cajole, analyze and do what they need to in order to win. That’s right – it’s a competition, as I said before and to level the playing field, I have preset my rules and in order for me to come out the victor – with a replacement vehicle that will cost what I can afford and be kind to me until the next one – I have to stick to my plan. That is, if I want to win. Unless, there’s a Zombie Apocalypse, in which case, all bets are off.
So, Mister or Mizz Car Sales Professional-Type Person, thank you for your dedication to my happiness, but you have finally met the Immovable Object to your Irresistable Force. I’m an educated consumer willing to further educate myself and to remain staunch in my goal for solvent mobility. In my case, it’s both my way and the highway.
Sincerely,
Your BFF
